Daily Mealer 4/13/12

Daily Mealer 4/13/12

Editor's Note: As the sole proprietor of The Food Chronicles it is my mission to deliver an enriching and entertaining periodical to my loyal readers. I have been strongly discontented this week, as what was once a task focused primarily on sorting through and editing an over abundance of entries to a more manageable amount, has since dwindled so much that my ears and eyes have actually gotten larger in an adaptive effort to scrounge for the slightest evidence of chewing, picking, swallowing or sipping. I assure you, my beloved followers, that one day, this drought will release it's relentless and merciless stranglehold and allow The Food Chronicles to flourish, as they once did.

7:28a I drive in and spy Agnus in the kitchen window. (Figures.) I suspect this is the morning cappuccino.

7:58a Enter Clark, tub of Gummy Bears in hand. It's on. "Oh my God." (To this statement Reginald responds, "Yes?") "You have to try one of all the flavors." Advising peers on  how to properly sample and enjoy bears of a gummy descent. 

8:24a Clark, walking around with the container of gummies, our Friday morning hors d'oeuvre, offers one to Stacey. She replies, "Oh no! Get that thing away from me. I only want one. Put that back with Agnus. I don't think I've ever had a blue one before!" Agnus, who, last I saw, was sinking firmly in her seat, has now magically appeared in our office at the first sound of munchies, like a magical food genie. She chimes in and says, "That's what I did, I tried one of each." And then, just like she appeared, she was gone. Back at her desk. Strange, if I do say.

9:10a "I'munaa eat sum oatmeal." In the less than fluent accent of a British witch.

9:12a Feasting her eyes on the daily specials, oatmeal in hand..."You know what kills me? Shrimp scampi over linguine is $8.50. A chicken cutlet wrap with romaine lettuce, ceaser dressing, cheese, and french fries, is $9. You would think that would be $7.50." Stacey- "Did you bring lunch?" Agnus- "Yea I just brought some ham and bread. I figured screw it, but I could always order. You know I went to BJ's last night and got a bunch of groceries, I bought two big bags of the mixed greens, Harris likes iceberg, but you're eating nothing, no nutritional value, it's like eatin' water! Now I just gotta figure something out to put on top of the greens. When I leave here and go home, idk what it is, I'm just not hungry. Last night I just had one slice of pizza. And it was only the left over toppings we had, it wasn't the normal garbage pie we make, it was just sparingly, you know? So that's why now I'm starving!" How COULD you be hungry after all you do here all day every day!? After this she proceeded to pick our brains (for the second week in a row now) about a huge block of soft Gorgonzola she has at home and has no idea what to do with. I have provided numerous stellar ideas for the application of said cheese, I really don't know what more I can do. I'm starting to think this cheese is fictitious, and we are entering a new realm of food delusions. I am also starting to think I should start a soft Gorgonzola cook book as I have so many fabulous ideas for it.

11:21a "I wanna make my lunch RIGHT NOW!"

11:31a "I don't think I can go on unless I make my lunch." I say, "So make your lunch!!!! C'mon, do it! Don't be a wuss Agnus!" She says, "But I was on a roll!" Then, whips something out of her snack knapsack, stating, "These are so much better than just the regular cups." I nosily inquire, "What is it?" as I lean out from my desk to get a better view. Stew chimes in from out of sight, just a small voice out there in yonder saying, "Don't you worry your pretty little head about it Rie Rie!" He says this in a sarcastic, playful manner as he is privy to The Chronicles and wise to my motives. Agnus joins in and says, "Yea! Don't worry about it!" BUT, having maneuvered myself appropriately, I was able to ignore their squabble and see for myself. I say, "Nice. A reese's egg. A-vedddy vedddy nicee!!!" (Borat accent.) 

12:08p Stew grabs a paper from his trash he threw out by accident and starts uncrumpling it. "What is that, Stew!? What are you eating!?" He replies, "Nothing, I threw something away I didn't mean to." She says, "I thought you were eating something, I was gonna jump you if it was something good." I'm surprised the fact that it was paper stopped her. I thought for sure that would qualify under the "good" category.

12:09p "Alright, it's on!" Walks to kitchen to toast her slices for her hammy sammie. I'm betting mustard, and prehistoric fridge packet mayo. Let's see if I'm right.

12:37p Realized I forgot to track the aforementioned sandwich and it's toppings. Apologies. I can assure you it had mustard and prehistoric fridge packet mayo on it.

12:49p Discussing eating gummy bears with Reginald, "But I've been doing so good with my diet." Enough said. 

1:47p Stacey graciously offers everyone some of her pecans she has left over from lunch, Agnus responds- "No- those friggin' whatchacallits, [gummy bears] i ate so many I'm sick over it. I have a headache." At least we know your headache isn't the result of low blood sugar! 

2:15p I bring, what I have dubbed a sauerkraut snack, to work sometimes. Weird, I know, but I happen to love sauerkraut and sometimes I just want a bite or two. Stacey and I were giggling about it, as everyone makes fun of me for my sauerkraut snacks. Agnus walks in, "Aldi's just had a special on the sauerkraut. It was the German stuff in the jar. They had the regular white kind, and then a red kind. Maybe with beets? I don't know. Looked good though." I have a couple things to say here. First of all, I love my job because not only do I have the pleasure of constructing these lovely Chronicles but I also do not have to concern myself with reading any of the local grocer's fliers, as I have a built in monitoring system. Secondly, I am completely unfamiliar with any such red sauerkraut, but my logic tell me, seeing as it is merely fermented cabbage, that perhaps the red kraut is fermented purple cabbage. I could be wrong, who knows. 

3:37p Our dear friend has exited for the weekend, and I, too, shall do the same shortly. I bid you adieu, until next week!