Daily Mealer 4/11/12

Daily Mealer 4/11/12

Editor's Note: I'm sure some of you have noticed the lapse in coverage over the last week or so, as spite and compassion continue to wrestle in the arena of my mind. Overwhelming feelings of disgust and guilt within myself caused me to cease fire and close the chronicles for an undetermined period of time. However, following suit from previous provocations to reinstate my blog, the disrespect and ignorance has thrust my endeavors back into circulation. The daily events here are so infantile and elementary that to not record them is doing supreme injustice to those of you whom retain enjoyment from reading about said occurrences. In addition, it is just plain hilarious, and should be noted somewhere for future reflections. 

Please keep in mind, I have had a hell of a time with this, woman, if you can call her that, so far this week. Instigation, interrogation and insubordination are daily injustices I am forced to incur, to the point of almost walking out yesterday.
And we eat.

7:43a Enter Clark, large container of gummy worms in hand. Offers them to me, I politely decline as I am pretending vegan this week. I explain to him that gummy worms are made from horse hooves and bone marrow and as delicious as they may be I will not partake in their consumption. He rebuts my statement, (he might be right, partially, anyway) and continues to tell me that because they are composed of aforementioned substances they are beneficial for your teeth. I reassure him, that as the granddaughter or a dentist and daughter of a dental hygienist, gummy worms are in no way beneficial for your teeth. He continues on into the playpen, worms in hand. Presents them to Agnus, who readily accepts the challenge. He stations the tub at the rear portion of her lair, on a filing cabinet behind her. No hesitation, dives right in. After enjoying a couple she turns back to her computer. click click on keyboard. Then a few moments later, leans up, swivels, dips her hands in for another gelatinous strand of dye and sugar. Turns back around. For the next couple hours it was click, click, lean swivel dip. click, click, lean, swivel, dip. click click lean swivel dip. dip. dip. dip. dip. And slowly the tiny community of worms dwindled, becoming less and less, the once abundantly populous tub now empty and sad, reminiscent of happier times.

8:14a As the majority of my morning has been spent in the playpen I managed to take inventory in between tasks. My findings were shocking. In addition to two slices of bread, a jar of mustard, can of Chef Boyardee, zip lock bag full of m&m's, I happened upon an entire bag of gummy treats. I am unable to discern what species these particular treats are, be it of the mammal or insect variety, but they are gummy nonetheless. I am interested to see if there is a cap on how many gummy treats one will consume in a day. Doubtful.

8:18a Click click lean swivel dip.

8:23a "Clark I am so not happy about you bringing these worms in here." Clark responds with, "I've got an entire container of gummy bears in the car, too." Oh goodie! Do you accept the challenge, Agnus?! C'mon! Show us what you're made of!

8:24a-9:42a Click click lean swivel dip, repeat, until the container is finally clean scraped and scrapped.

10:17a "Is it lunch time yet?! I'm starving. I didn't have that much for dinner last night, I think that's why I'm so hungry today." That still doesn't explain why you're so hungry now, at 10:17 in the AM, Eastern Standard Time on this, the 11th day of April, 2555 BE, after you single-handedly consumed an entire community or gummy worms. Why, Agnus, why are you still so hungry??

10:55a After I polished off a generous portion of a dried fruits assortment purely out of boredom I decided to google the nutritional value, as I do not want to end up like Agnus. While there are drastic differences between gummy worms and dried fruit, grazing is grazing. I was terrified when I saw the nutritional value of what I had just consumed, or lack thereof. Terrified. Craisins, you dirty devil. 

11:11a After having the daily specials read aloud, "I'll take one of everything!"

11:27a "Is it lunch time yet!? It's 12 o'clock somewhere!" I reply with, "Actually, it's not." Booooo yaaaah! Take that!

11:52a "I'm making my lunch." Storms the kitchen with slices in hand, begins toasting process. Now, if I know Agnus at all she'll stand in the doorway of the kitchen and bother Stacey and me with mindless chatter to speed the toasting process. Oh! wait! not today! Walks out of kitchen, slice of turkey in hand, shoves it in her food hole while simultaneously stating, "I'm munching." I digress. 

11:58a Got up from her lair and ventured back to the fridge, I was unable to see what she got from it, however I suspect it was a packet of mayonnaise. Those things are from the prehistoric era. God speed. 

12:17a Discussing Aldi's mutigrain bread with Stacey, "Yea, that stuff's good. On sale this week for 99 cents! Usually $1.89, I grabbed two!"

12:39p "I got the itis now." Cute. 

1:37p Received email from Stew: "More food conversations GREAT you like to eat WHO CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I recoil in angst and reply, "Shit bro, what did I miss?!" No response. I guess we'll never know.

2:00p Leaves for the day. Early. Peas and carrots. Until tomorrow, friends.