Daily Mealer 3/20/12

Daily Mealer 3/20/12

 Editor’s Note: After a brief hiatus due to a sudden bout of maturity and remorse I am pleased to say that continuing encouragement in the form of sneers, dirty looks, and rude comments have propelled the beloved Daily Mealer back into production. This form of passive aggressive, silent revenge not only rinses the resentment from my being, but also offers a few chuckles to those whom I love, and would never cause me such grief. That being said, I raise my virtual glass to all of you, here's to whole sleeves of crackers, forgotten tubs of hummus, and the daily morning snacks which keep us entertained and thankful for our chosen paths in life. May we never stoop to that level. Happy reading. For those of you who are new: The Daily Mealer was started when a coworker of mine proved relentless in their disrespect and aggravation towards me for no apparent reason. To retaliate and make myself more lighthearted about the situation I decided to record every morsel mentioned or eaten during an average day at work, as said person has an outrageous diet and eating habits. Some days are more comical than others, some more pathetic. I'll let you be the judge of that. Either way, happy eating. I mean reading. Names have been changed. Except mine. I am narrator, quotes, unless otherwise specified, indicate Agnus, the main character of our chronicles.

9:12a Stopped at copy machine to read today's specials menu. I could hear her thinking "is it lunch time yet?" 9:17a Two bowls of Cheerios- large bowls. Big gaping mouthfuls. Ick.

10:48a "Oh my god is it lunch time yet? I'm starving"

11:21a Whisper yells "OH MY GOD IS IT LUNCH TIME?! IM STARVING!!" Stacy replies, "Almost, 1/2 an hour." Agnus: "I'm not waiting a 1/2 an hour. I'm starving. Peanut butter and jelly it is, I was too lazy to go downstairs to get anything." There is a certain amount of irony in the fact that her fridge is located in her basement and she claims she is always too lazy to venture down there to get food. Something doesn't quite add up here.

11:24a Walks over to kitchen to toast bread for her PB&J, "Oh I'm having a cupcake!" Helps herself to a cupcake while she waits for her bread to toast. "Stacy and Marie's cupcakes always come out so moist. Mine are always stiff when I cook them. I'm not into baking, just cooking." And eating.

 12:12p "Something smells really good". It's my wrap I toasted to eat with my salad. Paws off.

12:24p "I'm going to eat my ooorrrraaaaannnggeeee" (in a despicable, offensive attempt at a french accent). Thanks for keeping us posted, I'll be sure to log in that entry immediately.

 1:42p "It's two o'clock cupcake time!" who knew, 1:42 was the new 2. And cupcakes are the latest celebrity diet.

 2:13p After hearing the usual rustling of cheap plastic wrapping which encases most processed, salty snacks favored by our less than friendly eater, I looked over to see a small package of pretzel rods being devoured, one by one, filled with fear as they were shoved towards the foul abyss which would forever transform their existence. Wishing you peace and solace on your journey, pretzels. You had a good run, now may you become one. --