Daily Mealer 3/23/12

Daily Mealer 3/23/12

Editor's Note:

The Daily Mealer represents the true dichotomy of my persona. On one

hand, it adds hilarity and relief to an otherwise impossible day;

however, I find it leaves me feeling little and, in some respects, on

the same purely motivated and simple level as Agnus. My conscious has

somewhat deterred me from its continuance, completely eliminating it

from my routine yesterday. This proved unacceptable as my few, yet

avid readers were begging for its appearance in their inboxes. So, it

is with you in mind, my humble audience, which I swallow my guilt and

deny my benevolence, for your assumed laughter and appreciation is all

I need to repair the holes inflicted on my ego during the creation of

this article.That being said, this one's for you.

[We begin our day today with a fight in the playpen, which is my

nickname for Agnus and Stew's shared office. Many conflicts erupt

here, as the total mental capacity of said area reaches, on a good

day, a fifth grade level. This morning's quarrel pertained to proper

spelling of a name, and ended in Agnus yelling, literally yelling, at

Stew, exclaiming, "Shut up before I put your teeth down your

throat!!!" Please note- even in something completely non-food related,

there remains the underlying connotation of items sliding down one's

throat. Seems to be at the forefront of Agnus' thinking, almost

always.]

8:07a Above mentioned fight had just ceased, tensions were extremely

high, as you can imagine. Clark enters the playpen, having missed

everything that had just occurred. He says, innocently, to Agnus, "Hey

you want some popcorn?" My innermost being immediately begins to churn

with laughter. Agnus completely ignores the question, frozen with

residual anger. Rude. Meanwhile, I'm still dying inside. Clark walks

away.

8:16a Clark reenters the playpen. Poses the question again, this time

met with a response, "Yea, I'll buy some" she states, quietly, coyly,

as if doing him, and the world, a favor. Please, try to contain your

excitement. Seriously. I know this is the most exciting thing that's

happened to you yet today, and probably will remain that way.

8:36a Stacy walks over to view the Daily Specials, Friday is order out

day (usually Monday through Thursday are too, but they are "trying to

be good" so keeping it to a minimum, and only ordering Fridays, which

always has to be fish until Lent is over. I know, it's ridiculous.)

"Did you bring lunch Stacy?" "No, you?" "Well, I got my back up PB&J,

but I might order. There's crap on there today though, the only thing

that looks remotely good is the seafood salad platter." The two of

them continued to deliberate about this for the better part of 8

minutes, which I will spare you all from, although it was quite

entertaining. (What do you think is in it? Crab? Lobster? Shrimp?

Imitation or real? What if there's too much mayo? Onions? Should we

toast it? and so on and so on.)

8:42a I moseyed on over to Agnus' lair very nonchalantly to check

today's stock. We have bursting sandwich baggies, one containing Fruit

Loops, one containing Chex Mix. When I say bursting I mean BURSTING.

While I was paying my visit I stated, "Are those Fruit Loops?! I

haven't had those in forever, I forgot all about them!" Agnus replies,

"Yea! They are. They're having a limited edition thingy right now,

they're putting these in the box" She proudly holds the bag up for my

inspection, where I spied the surprise. It appears the pink fruit

loops are temporarily in the shape of 8's instead of O's. I said,

"Huh. I wonder what prompted that, is there any reasoning behind it?"

"I don't know, didn't see anything on the box." I said, "I wonder if

it was manufacturer error and they're trying to play it off as

intentional." She looked at me more perplexed than I have ever seen

before. Yes, Agnus. I am a genius. Ain't no cheesy marketing gonna get

by me. It's okay, they taste the same, buck up Jr.

9:07a "Alright it's Fruit Loop time." Walks over to the fridge,

removes her Tupperware full of milk. Have at it, girl. "God dammit, I

just realized that I forgot to bring my tuna fish. I made tuna fish

for today and I forgot to grab it when I went downstairs to get my

milk and everything. That's okay, I have my backup PB&J." Oh thank

goodness!

9:09a "These are good, they're not as heavy as Cheerios. I like them,

they're just lighter." Thanks for the update.

9:12a "Well, those were good, I'm still stuck on my Honey Nut Cheerios though."

9:52a "Yeeeaaauuup. Seafood salad. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm."

10:34-11:52a Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth

about what's for lunch. I had to obtain FOUR, I repeat, FOUR, faxes of

Daily Specials in addition the the ones we automatically receive.

There were 6 employees (out of a total of 6 employees) all heavily

debating where we should go for lunch, two of them being huge

advocates for fish on Fridays (guess who), the three men being huge

advocates of meat all the time, and me, being a huge advocate of going

wherever had vegetable soup for me to supplement my wrap with. FINALLY

we all compromised on a local deli. Agnus and Stacy were getting the

special named- I shit you not- "Lady Gouda- Iva Surprise", which

contained beer battered cod, smoked gouda, and tartar sauce on a hard

roll. I can't wait to hear all about this once teeth and tongue hit

bread.

12:16p Patiently awaiting lunch's arrival. There has been surprisingly

minimal munching this morning.

12:32p Lunch has arrived.

12:36p With hands full, "It looks good...." not ten seconds later,

with mouth full, "and it tastes good."

12:37p I turned around and asked Stacey, "Is that Gouda?". We all had

a chuckle and mentioned how that was funny, yet supremely corny.

12:39p "This roll is just so friggin good it's not funny. It makes the

whole sandwich, ya know?" Actually, it is funny.

12:42p "That was horrible. Don't ever make me eat it again." We won't.

But I guarantee that you will.

12:42p-2:26p Very dull period, unfortunately. I have tried provoking

things by asking for candy and snacks, but I got nothing.

2:28p REFUSES to join Stacy and I in our 2pm coffee ritual. I am

floored. Wouldn't even accept a cappuccino. Systems are breaking

down!!!!!!

3:06p Well, the day, week, is swiftly coming to a close and there are

no signs of munching from across the way. That being said I am closing

today's issue early. Have a nice weekend, my friends, can't wait to be

back on Monday. Love always.